Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
