Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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