Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
