I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
