i already hear my dad disowning me
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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