He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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