Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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