Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
