Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Randomize
