Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
