GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
