He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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