1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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