Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
