oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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