I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
