the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
