Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
