Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
