I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
