hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
