...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
