My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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