I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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