I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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