Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
