She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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