after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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