I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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