we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Drunk is not a location!
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