words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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