just come out here and I will go home with you...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i dont even know how to be here
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
