just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I can't trust your balls anymore.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
