Small penises have feelings too.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
