Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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