my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
