That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
