what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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