i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
