bring money and cleavage
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
