Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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