At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
