I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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