thus making me awesome and them whores
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
