There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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