WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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