That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
