Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
