I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
