I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
