im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Sorry my hands just texted you
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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