Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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