so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
