don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
