If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
