life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
