oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
